You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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