lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
