you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I deserve this hangover.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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