It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize