he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
