we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
