I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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