reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
