Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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