her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
