I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
