I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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