She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
