is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
