I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
