4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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