awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
