Pappa wants mamma naked
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
