I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
