Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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