the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
