Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
