Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
