But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
