I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I have fence marks all over my body
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
