Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
