I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
