Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
