i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
