47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
