Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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