I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
