i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
