It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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