worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
