***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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