And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
