I'm drive I can fine osifer
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
