Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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