He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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