He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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