I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize