Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
