whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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