I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
