Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
