I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
