he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
