Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
