Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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