so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
