Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
