$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
