Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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