i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
