So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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