I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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