Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
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