I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Randomize
