Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
