just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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