at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
