Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
