I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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