Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
