I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
