i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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