belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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