So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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