please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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