The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
