So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
