I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
