you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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