Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
